A Message to Marathon Bombing “Truthers”


Hey you.

Yeah, you know who you are. You’re that guy, the contrarian asshole who has spent the past week using the tragic Boston Marathon bombings as a convenient excuse to wildly fabricate nits to pick about the country you live in.

When you first heard the news of the attack, whatever natural combination of shock, sorrow and anger you might have initially felt was quickly purged from your system, replaced with complaints that people were more saddened by violence in America than violence in non-English speaking countries. You quickly mentioned to anyone who would listen that the Marathon bombings completely overshadowed a series of car bombings on the same day in Iraq that killed 9 and left 79 wounded.

Of course American people were more upset about an attack on our soil!  Is it not an obvious enough fact that human beings inherently feel more attachment towards those they are associated with? I highly doubt that people in Iraq the next day were more concerned with the Boston attacks than those in their own backyard. They shouldn’t have been. By your logic, being more saddened by the death of a family member than the death of stranger is some kind of grand moralistic flaw (one that, in your eyes, seems to only afflicts white, privileged Americans).

You then nodded along with agreement as Alex Jones, the conspiracy mongering dickhead behind Infowars.com, instantly began to assert that this was a false flag attack staged by the government to infringe on people’s civil liberties. You nodded in agreement to the first question Governor Deval Patrick faced from the press on Monday, which strongly insinuated that this was all a false flag attack designed to allow homeland security officials to “stick their hands down our pants on the streets.”

Patrick responded flatly “No. Next question.” The perfect crime!

If you weren’t completely sold on the “Gubmint did it!” conspiracy, you were openly rooting for the perpetrators to be white Americans. Somehow, when a terrorist plants a deadly bomb packed with shrapnel next to a 8 year old child, the important thing to worry about is the color of the perpetrators skin.


When law enforcement released the now infamous “black hat/ white hat” photos and surveillance video, you instantly declared that this was insufficient. You claimed that this was nothing more than police and the FBI finding a convenient scapegoat. You protested that the footage of suspect #2 placing the backpack at the spot of the explosion minutes before wasn’t released to the public. Ironically enough, you probably would’ve complained if they had released it that law enforcement was trying to incite the public to riotous vigilantism. You claimed that, with such insufficient evidence, any person wearing a backpack could’ve been targeted as a suspect (ignoring the fact that law enforcement showed great diligence by not overzealously targeting false or insufficient leads such as the reddit picture that the New York Post inexplicably plastered on Thursday’s front page).

When the identities and ties to militant Islamic groups of the suspects were discovered, you claimed they were targeted due to their religion. I’m not even going to get into the undeniable fact that extremist factions of Islam exist that consider themselves engaged in a holy war with all Americans, groups who have a bit of a history with this kind of thing. Not only would that be racist, but its not even true! After all, 9/11 was hoax designed to make Muslims look bad. You can read about it on the Internet.

It’s also clearly a coincidence that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev hung out with a group of kids driving around in a car with “Terrorista #1” on their license plates. Nothing to see here, folks! Stop this racial profiling!


You continued to run with your claim that the suspects were scapegoats for a false flag attack, even as said suspects did the following on Thursday night and Friday morning.

  • Ambushed and killed a 26 year old MIT Police Officer Sean Collier
  • Conducted a carjacking at gunpoint, keeping the car’s owner hostage in his own car for a half hour as they drove around bragging about being the marathon bombers and killing Sean Collier. I’m sure the victim of the carjacking was in on the hoax.
  • Engaged in a wild firefight with cops in the streets of Watertown, during which they shot and threw IEDs directly at officers. Clearly it’s a coincidence that these poor, misunderstood and unjustly targeted kids had enough weaponry on them for a small jihadist army.

Then, when law enforcement engaged in a massive manhunt for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on Friday, you complained about once again about infringement of civil liberties. To you, the threat to public safety presented by a suspected terrorist who had already proven to be highly dangerous running loose through the city was secondary to the civil liberties of citizens. Thankfully, these Watertown citizens willingly and eagerly submitted to the door-to-door searches, since their priorities were straight enough to realize that civil liberties are pretty useless when one doesn’t feel safe walking outside.

You claimed this set a “precedent” for a “police state.” Sorry to break it to you, but the only precedent this established is that law enforcement is prepared and capable to do what is necessary to protect the public when faced with terrorist attacks.

Once Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was taken into custody, you complained that he wasn’t read his Miranda Rights. According to you, the events of the past five days weren’t enough to justify a legal public safety exemption, defined as such:

“permits law enforcement to engage in a limited and focused unwarned interrogation and allows the government to introduce the statement as direct evidence. Police officers confronting situations that create a danger to themselves or others may ask questions designed to neutralize the threat without first providing a warning of rights”

Hmmm…Imminent threat to public safety?



Police officers confronting a situation that create a danger to themselves or others?


Check. RIP Officer Collier.

Very plausible suspicions that others were involved in the planning, financing and execution of the attacks?


However, in your mind, the Miranda rights of a known murderer seem to be more important than finding any potential accomplices and taking them into custody.

The suspect may be in custody, but you’re just getting started. Perhaps you’ve recently been trying to make #freejahar a trending topic on twitter. Maybe you’ve been on MSNBC, desperately trying to claim that ties to militant Islamic groups are as relevant to the bombing attacks as Ben Affleck movies (Seriously, that happened yesterday).

Or maybe you’re claiming that Jeff Bauman, the subject of a photo that summed up the brutality of the attack (and later played a crucial role in helping the FBI identify the suspects), was actually Nick Vogt, a former army officer who lost his legs in Afghanistan in 2011. Clearly, he was planted by the government to enhance the illusion of the false flag attack.


Of course, if Bauman is real, his role in identifying the suspect proves his involvement in the conspiracy.

This message is for you. It’s for all of you. It comes directly from those of us whose grief for the victims and their families actually superseded any crackpot political agenda. It comes from those of us who actually appreciated the fabulous work of law enforcement, who worked tirelessly for five days to protect me, you and everyone from this lunatic.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

No seriously, fuck off. No one wants to hear your unfounded conspiracy theories. You may be so out of touch with reality that you don’t notice (or acknowledge) the steadily growing mountain of evidence against your bullshit, but we aren’t. Have some goddamn respect for the victims and go away.


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